There are people who think the opening number is crucial to any show. If so, tonight's Tonys were a rousing success within 10 minutes.
That's when Neil Patrick Harris -- TV's best award-show host -- finished the wonderfully witty opening number. I'll be doing sort of an ongoing commentary as the night goes on; let's start:
1) The opening number was so brilliant that I assumed it was written by Marc Shaiman, who wrote Harris' songs two years ago. It wasn't, but the closing credits zipped by too fast for me to tell; whoever did wrote great lyrics like this, about theater:
"It's not just for gays and Jews
And malcontents who write reviews."
2) As a malcontent who writes reviews, I still savor lines like that.
3) The production numbers were great; most of the acceptance speeches were, as usual, so-so. Ellen Barkin roundly praised George C. Wolfe for directing her in "Normal Heart," while standing in front of a poster of the play that said, "Directed by Joel Grey." (Grey started the direction and Wolfe finished.)
4) They keep showing the title "The Mother With a Hat." I'm quite sure there was one word missing after "mother"; maybe they just ran out of room.
5) Anyway, that proved the censor was doing his job. He also managed to bleep Brooke Shields; Melissa Leo should have had someone like that at the Oscars.
6) That was a worthy effort, for Harris to try to tell seven jokes about the accident-prone "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark" in 30 seconds. He got six, interrupted by laughter, including dubbing the show "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Lawsuits" and saying it was the only show to warn audience members about not just strobe lights, but also falling actors.
7) He also threw in a bonus quip: "I sent Bono a congratulatory cable, but the cable snapped."
8) And soon after that, we got to see Bono and The Edge themselves, admitting that they really thought they would be here tonight with Tony nominations, but they kind of missed the deadline -- "a lot of them." Their show finally opens Tuesday -- after an incredible 181 "preview" performances.
9) Those two will be near my home town on June 26, when U2 comes to Spartan Stadium in East Lansing. The two can relax and play rock music, with little fear of theater critics or mishaps.
10) Who thought John Larroquette needs another award? He won four straight Emmys, before taking himself out of the competition. Now he has a Tony to go with it.
11) That was a bonus, when we got the dueling-hosts song. There was Hugh Jackman (an excellent host) doing battle with Harris (the best host); it was all fun.
12) As much as I love the songs of Shaiman -- who wrote "Hairspray" and the Billy Crystal songs for the Oscars -- I'm also big on Robert Lopez. He co-wrote songs for "Avenue Q" and a wonderful "Scrubs" spisode; now he's shared a Tony for "The Book of Mormon." It's great to see such sharp wit.
13) You can kind of tell that the Tony telecast is built around musicals, not plays: They just announced the best-play winner ("War Horse") with 57 minutes left in the show's scheduled run.
14) So there I was, praising the lyrical brilliance of Shaiman and Lopez, when the Tonycast reminded us there have always been some witty word people. It offered Cole Porter's "Anything Goes," overflowing with lyrical brilliance.
15) It was also fun, as a Michigan person, to see Sutton Foster star in that number. She's from Troy (the Michigan one, not the Helen-of one) and went to the University of Michigan's acclaimed theater school ... as did her Tony-nominated brother Hunter Foster.
16) OK, Frances McDormand knows how to give an acceptance speech. This time, she gave one after being named best actress in "Good People." Of course, she has practice at this, having won an Oscar. That's when she thanked the Coen brothers (one her director, the other her husband), saying one "made me an actress" and the other "made me a woman."
17) Speaking of Michigan people, Sutton Foster just won her second Tony (in a total of five nominations) as best actress in a musical, "Anything Goes." The U-M has talented people.
18) This was kind of the consummate test of macho-ness -- the Tonys and the NBA finals, simultaneously. I mostly flunked by watching the Tonys. (Please don't tell the guys in the locker room about it.) However, I did peek at the game; the Dallas Mavericks beat the Miami Heat, 105-95, winning the championship and proving that even a convergence of superstars doesn't guarantee a title. Life is good
19) Now Mark Rylance is my new Broadway hero. Accepting a best actor Tony (for "Jerusalem") he delivered a straight-faced lecture on walking through walls and on which walls are most difficult. It was dry, unexplained and hilarious; also, it spent no time thanking an agent. This now replaces Lin-Manuel Miranda's acceptance speech (for the "In the Heights" lyrics), delivered in rhyming rap, as my all-time favorite.
20) As the show was ending, Chris Rock established himself in the macho-ness test by saying he really didn't expect to spend the night missing "the greatest basketball game ever" to hand around with Nathan Lane.
21) Rock then pointed out that everyone knew which show would win best-musical and that any preliminaries were a pointless "as taking a hooker to dinner." The winner, as expected, was "The Book of Mormon," from the "South Park" guys.
22) And then Harris had his closing number -- that made his fourth in the show, counting a song from the short-run "Company" revival. This one was written during the show -- by Lin-Manuel Miranda, the credits indicated -- and rippled with clever rap. It was a dandy ending to a great show.